Unveiling the Hidden Truths in Domestic Violence Cases

Can a dream really bridge the gap between worlds and inspire profound change in our lives?

Join us as Janet shares the remarkable story of connecting with her son Ted in a dream, which led her to write the touching book, "Visiting Ted in Heaven." This episode moves through Janet's heartfelt experiences and introduces us to the Brighter Days Grief Center in Eden Prairie, Minnesota. As a new board member, Janet passionately discusses their mission to support grieving individuals and the vision to create dedicated grief spaces. Co-hosts Shireen and Tanya switch gears, revealing their love for true crime and hinting at an exciting discussion about the mysterious Ballerina trial.

Janet McGee

• Email: mcgee652@umn.edu
• Website: http://www.janetmcgee.com/
• Telephone: +1 (651) 600 8229
• LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/janetmcgeemba

We then navigate the intricate world of criminal forensics and mortuary science, showcasing the relentless pursuit of educational and professional dreams at any stage in life. Janet and Shireen dive into the complexities of the Ballerina trial, exploring themes of domestic violence and the hidden truths within toxic relationships. The episode also highlights a story of unexpected career growth in mortuary science, underscoring the fulfillment found in this unique field. In a touching tribute to Ted, we emphasize the power of random acts of kindness and supporting non-profits dedicated to aiding grieving families. This conversation is a compelling reminder of the importance of passion, purpose, and empathy in both our personal and professional lives.

Join us as we support Brighter Days Grief Center this month!

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Chapters

• 0:03 Supporting Nonprofit Grief Center
• 6:53 Impact of Domestic Violence Trials
• 18:52 Finding Purpose Through Teaching and Grief

Transcript

Voiceover: 0:03

Tales from the wild, stories from the heart. A journey into the mind and soul of fired up business professionals, where they share their vision for the future and hear from a different non-profit organization every month as they create awareness of their goals and their needs. Dive into a world of untamed passion as we join our host, Shireen Botha, for this month's episode of Friends from Wild Places.

Tanya Scotece: 0:35

Amazing, amazing, and I would love if I can even be a part of it in any shape or form, janet, just to support you or even help know, even you know help funeral directors going into the profession with burnout, or even our season directors, just something. I just think there's just so much, you know, amazing work and initiatives that you are doing and continue to do, and I know Shireen wants to get to the non-profit. But I have one, one question I want to ask you do you get signs from ted, like does ted, you know? Do you get any? Um, you know, feelings or anything that you can share? Um, you know, is there something that you see or feel, or is that something not that you've had experienced?

Shireen Botha: 1:22

um, I have the reason you wrote your book to add to what Tanya says. Is that the reason you wrote your book as well?

Janet McGee: 1:29

I did. I did um have that experience and that's why I wrote my book, um, because I had a dream that I went to heaven, saw Ted, and and it was a really powerful I mean, the things that he told me were just incredible. I mean, one of the first questions I asked him is do you? It was it was a year almost to the day that he died that I had this dream and I first thing that I said when I saw him is do you like living here? And he said mom, I love it so much I don't want to go back.

Tanya Scotece: 2:00

Oh, wow, wow, Wow, well, and what's the name of? The book Janet. What's the name of the?

Janet McGee: 2:04

book. It's called Visiting Ted in Heaven. Okay, okay.

Tanya Scotece: 2:09

And where can our listeners find it?

Janet McGee: 2:12

They can find me on LinkedIn and then I can work on getting them a copy.

Shireen Botha: 2:26

Okay, okay, I like that, that is beautiful, so touching.

Janet McGee: 2:27

I have to get the book as well. Well, I like to do it that way, because then I can get to know who wants a copy and I can put a name in it and sign it. It just feels more personal than just a book sale.

Shireen Botha: 2:46

So I wish I could give you a hug, janet. That's such a wow. That's such a beautiful story. Yeah, let's move on to the nonprofit Cause. That's also really important to the three of us. We love to support a nonprofit every month and and try and fulfill a need wherever we can. So this month we want to support a nonprofit called Brata Days Grief Center in Eden Prairie, minnesota, which is something that a nonprofit that Janet has brought to our attention. We will have the website for you guys to go and have a look and support, but, janet, please just tell us a little bit about the organization and how we can support it.

Janet McGee: 3:30

Yes, I would love to. This is an organization that I became aware of a couple of years ago and I just fell in love with it and when I found out kind of what their mission was, I was like I want to be part of this. I don't know what that looks like, but I want to be part of this Um. I recently joined their board and, again, I don't know what the future looks like with them, but I'm here, um. What they do is they provide free resources for grieving um, grieving Minnesotans.

Janet McGee: 4:02

So my my goal in joining them is to try to spread awareness within the funeral home communities that this is something we can be offering to all of the families. It is free, they provide grief counseling, they provide aftercare, they provide so many services. You know you have questions on probate or questions on other things. They will provide like a free, you know info session to get you connected with who you need to get connected with. And their long-term vision is to actually build a grief center, a building where people you can go to grieve in Minnesota. We can have yoga studios, we can have quiet places, and I love that concept because, in a world that becomes so increasingly full of technology and noise. I love the idea that we're trying to carve out a quiet place for people to grieve.

Shireen Botha: 4:55

Yeah, because grief looks different for everybody, so it's so nice that it's like for everybody. So it's so nice that it's like. You know this is come, this is the safe space. Bring yourself and your grieving hearts and deal with your grief however you need to, but we've got everything here, so that's so nice. Yeah, I love that. Um, just so everyone knows we're going to put it in the notes, but it's wwwbrighterdaysgriefcenterorg. That's brighterdaysgriefcenterorg. We will put that in the show notes. Please go and click on the link and go and see what beautiful things this organization is doing, which Janet is a part of and is part of the board. So I'd really like to see an impact done for the organization to get to their mission and to reach their goals, as well as all those people that need that space, that grieving space.

Shireen Botha: 5:58

All right, okay, so we've come to the podcast, where it's a little bit more light-hearted. Things we're going to discuss is more along the the lines of our interests. Um, and first off, something that tony and I absolutely love is true crime. We, we are you too good. This is why I thought we always have this little segment of the podcast where we absolutely love to talk about all the current criminal cases that are ongoing or have just closed and that have caught our attention, and this one is the Ballerina trial. I'm not sure if any of the listeners know about this trial, but I'm going to give the floor to Tanya to give us the deets, and then let's chat about it, yeah.

Tanya Scotece: 6:53

So my passion, janet, so my one of my background in for formal education was in criminal forensics, so it's kind of like it kind of ties in the mortuary with the you know crime scene, you know kind of ties it together. So we are always encouraging our listeners to, you know, make an impact, just as you have shared your journey, janet, with us. So anything we can do to inspire others, inspire leadership, have people maybe go back to school, you know, take on that degree that they've always thought they couldn't do because they're too old or it's, you know, too expensive or whatever the reason is. So one of the more recent trials was the ballerina. So what was really near and dear to me is that's on the West coast of Florida, where I actually grew up in the funeral profession for just under 13 years. So the West coast of Florida, manatee County, bradenton you'll hear them reference that in the trial. So if anyone is listening to this on the recording, obviously you can just YouTube ballerina trial in Florida and they can find all the you know the day-to-day updates with it as far as how it transpired.

Tanya Scotece: 8:03

So I wanted to open it up. So basically the what happened was there was a young girl who met this man. He was 30 years her senior and he had a child that you know. He was married and the mom had passed, so he had like an adolescent child and then this new woman came into his life and within 13 days of meeting they actually married and the whole trial kind of goes through what happened, because she and he ended up by themselves and she shot him. So they just closed very recently and she was actually convicted of manslaughter. So I just wanted to just kind of open it up. As far as if you're familiar with the trial or watching it, any thoughts about you know, maybe leading up to the actual you know actual conviction, as far as any thoughts or so let's start with that, janet, anything you're familiar with it, if you saw it, anything you want to shed light on?

Janet McGee: 9:08

Well, I'll start by saying I just finished saying how people have big opinions on social media. Now I'm going to share my opinion, so take that for what it's worth. I'll just say we never know anybody's story, but I will say, from the little I saw about it, it seemed like a situation where it was two people who didn't know each other very well for very long, and it sounds like there was potentially some domestic violence in there. And I think the question was was she protecting herself? And you know, gosh, those are hard situations because, you know, is it okay to kill someone if they are violent toward you? I don't think it's ever okay to take somebody's life. However, when backed into a corner, we're humans and we're going to protect ourselves right.

Janet McGee: 10:09

Especially when there's kids, our kids are involved too.

Tanya Scotece: 10:13

Right, right, I followed the. It's one of the few trials that I followed it like daily, like daily update, and the chief medical examiner, which was Dr Russell Vega, who was actually the medical examiner that oversaw our funeral home because they oversee three counties, so it was very interesting to see his take. As far as you know, the gunshot and what his take was so interesting and I think that was a valid point that you brought up Janet as far as component of domestic violence really kind of piqued people's interest because it's like, was it domestic violence? What they proved to the degree of manslaughter was it was fabricated and they had evidence to fabricate this domestic violence.

Tanya Scotece: 11:07

So, for example, the way even you know how the relationship evolved, you know all the circumstantial evidence and even what they felt he was led to believe, like you know his family, that he was moving to Maryland, they were going to kind of reconnect their family and be together when that was really never her intention and it was just, you know, like they kind of pointed so but again, you know, when somebody points puts a seed of doubt, right, that's like the seed of doubt. So it's like, is she telling the truth? Is she not telling the truth. So what's your take, shireen? You I know are a big crime scene follower as far as all the trials. What's your take on the ballerina?

Shireen Botha: 11:47

I love it. I love the criminal side of most of these trials that we chat about. This one was tough for me and that's why I let you lead on this one. It's got to do with domestic violence and I don't really like to talk too much about that specific thing, about saying, you know, did she fabricate or not? Um, because you know we don't know what's happening behind closed doors and and who says I mean, she could have taken what was quite a toxic relationship and and over exaggerated a lot of the scenarios to make her look better.

Shireen Botha: 12:23

I'm not, you know, that could very well be true, um, but I won't take away from a woman when they actually say it was toxic, because, whether it be the man or the woman, or both of them and them together create the toxic environment.

Shireen Botha: 12:44

People change in that toxic environment and people cannot become themselves and they become monsters and they do things out of the ordinary that they don't normally do, which is exactly, you know I'm repeating myself, but it's. They will do things to each other and a buildup on top of one situation on top of the next, on top of the next, can very much make a person a little dilly on both sides, and it could very easily turn into the perfect scenario where things can get out of control and it could have been him lifting up the gun and shooting her, or could have. You know it was her this time. But toxic relationships behind closed doors, abusive as they are, abusive as they are, um, it's very, very hard to say to someone that you know you're lying and that's not true. Um, yeah, do I make sense? That's why I'm not very good with talking about domestic violence, because I it's, it's a, it's a tough. Well, you don't want to really judge it too much.

Janet McGee: 14:05

You know what I mean you don't want to take away from the people who are in real situations, right, like I mean, that's the risk of, like you know, victim shaming or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

Tanya Scotece: 14:18

And and Jenna, I also want to just, like you know, tie it back to your. You know your story and journey. As far as you know people's comments, right, I mean like whether it's you know, on the this trial or any other trial like people's comments. You know, we kind of do our best to stay off of political realms on this podcast, but even it's just sit back and just like shame, I mean it's, it's amazing, it's, it's almost to a degree of like, like you experienced, I mean personally, like I mean people feel that they can say anything to anyone. I mean, do you have any thoughts on that? As far as this, like comments on, you know, social media or you know anything that people just like, how do you stop the noise? I guess is the you know what? What's your take?

Janet McGee: 15:06

Well, I'll say two things. For the people who are saying it about other people, I would just ask what is the benefit of doing it, Because there are real people on the other side who are reading it and is it helpful? Is it going to? Is there any way that you're going to change someone's opinion by being a keyboard warrior? I mean usually changing people's opinions, or it usually involves a conversation with people, and so I don't know that. Just simply.

Janet McGee: 15:41

You know, writing a comment here and there that's hurtful is really going to make much of an impact anyway. Here and there that's hurtful is really going to make much of an impact anyway. But the second thing I'll say is, if you are someone who is on the receiving end of those comments, one thing that I always stuck with and I would say this to anybody is you know, I told myself, I know what happened that day, I know what kind of mom I am to Ted and I know that God knows what happened that day and God's opinion is the only one that matters to me. So I don't care what anybody else's opinion is, and that kind of put me in the right mindset that when someone would say something mean or hurtful, it made me kind of feel bad for them, Like who hurt you to make you want to say something like that to me? I feel bad for you.

Shireen Botha: 16:30

Yeah.

Shireen Botha: 16:30

Right, yeah, and I think that's the most important thing to remember is hurt people, hurt people, and these bullies sit behind their keyboards and troll people and say the most disgusting comments to any content maker, to any person that has been in a horrible situation, like yourself, janet, um, anybody behind a keyboard that wants to put a negative comment, it's honestly. Unfortunately, it lies with them. They must have gone through something really horrible in their life to be that way, and we do. We do feel very, very sorry, um, for them and we can't change them. There's nothing we can do to change any of those people behind those keyboards.

Shireen Botha: 17:17

Um, they need to realize it themselves and go oh my gosh, I'm actually a really angry person. Why is that? And then do some deep dive on yourself and figure it out. Go figure it out. Why are you like the way you are? We all have to figure it out. We all have to change and work on the bad sides of us. You should work on yourself instead of trying to point fingers at everyone else and judge everyone else's life, because your judgment means nothing to any of us.

Janet McGee: 17:49

So yeah, and really I would say the only thing that we actually can do is is to not give it power, like to not react to it, because when we react, that's what they want.

Tanya Scotece: 18:02

Very powerful statement, very powerful. So two things I just want to just kind of bring to the close from this section and let Shireen close out our podcast. So a couple of things. Janet, I just wanted to. Just another question or two for you. So you're teaching at the mortuary school currently. Was that like? Did you find that wanting to go back into funeral service in some shape, way or form after Ted's passing, or was that two separate? You know, did that kind of steer you back, would you say? You know?

Janet McGee: 18:33

I I really didn't know what I was going to do career wise after the sturdy act got passed. You know, I had basically worked for free for like seven years and I didn't know where my career was going to take me or what I was going to do. And then this opportunity came up to teach one class at the university in the mortuary science program, actually in accounting, and I thought, you know, maybe this would be a step in the right direction. And you know, I have it kind of ties in my roots with business and with mortuary science and Ted's story and you know something just said, this was the right step to take and it kind of turned into oh, how about a marketing class? How about a business class? How about teaching this and clinicals and all.

Janet McGee: 19:23

And now I work full time there and I just I love it. I feel like I am exactly where I'm supposed to be and I'm passionate about it and I love, love, love seeing hearing why students want to go into funeral service and learning their individual passions, you know, because I find each of them has something different that's driving them to be in it, and learning, like what impact they want to make in this profession and finding ways to build their skill sets for those passions. It's just, I'm having fun. It's exactly where I want to be.

Tanya Scotece: 20:03

Yeah Well, thank you. I mean I just and I want to have you into my class. Welcome you to come into the virtual Zoom room. So would welcome you to be. Yeah Well, thank you. I mean I just and I want to have you into my class. Welcome you to come into the virtual Zoom room. So would welcome you to be a guest speaker for us at Miami Dade College funeral program.

Tanya Scotece: 20:17

So, of course, and also another thing you know, just to you know kind of, you know kind of conclude in a sense of you know, in the mortuary world, you know, people used to ask me when I was actively working at the funeral home, like is it sad? Like is it sad to be in the funeral profession, is it sad to see, you know, dead bodies, is it sad to work with grieving families? And you know, one of something just kind of like came through me. It was almost like an inspired moment, was you know, we are all here for a journey, right, and in Florida we take care of, you know, even a mom that's pregnant, that you know loses the fetus at 20 weeks gestation and beyond. So I mean, we take care of you know, in vitro all the way up through. I think the oldest lady that I took care of, I think was like 106 and every type of situation in between, every culture, every race, every age, every type of death. And I really just had, like this moment, many, many years ago, saying you know what? Everyone is here for the time that they're supposed to be here, and sometimes there's deaths that you would think. Like you know, somebody falls, like you know many stories and you read in the news that you know they survived and somebody else falls off like a little step and dies. So it's like so from me, it's from from my perspective.

Tanya Scotece: 21:33

I truly believe that you know we are, you know, god's children. We're here to do what we're supposed to do in the time we're supposed to do it, and then he takes us back, you know. And so I don't know if that, you know, resonates with you, janet, as far as you know, cause sometimes we try to make sense of things that they're not sensible, like there's like no rhyme or reason, like why did this happen? You know, why was Ted so young? Why did he? You know, but again, if you know, you shared that you know with. You know, with the grace of God, that you know it's like maybe his time was to have you be on this mission, and then you know that's, you know, till till you get reunited with him. So I don't know, I just it, just I just wanted to share that, yeah that's really beautiful and I believe that too.

Janet McGee: 22:23

I believe. You know it's a really scary thing to think about impermanence, but that is reality. And, as a parent, the thing is is that we're just not supposed to lose our children. We're all going to die someday, but we're not supposed to. You know we're. We're supposed to die first. We're not supposed to be around when they do, and so it's not a problem that they died. It's a problem that they died first, right? And that we were here to see it.

Tanya Scotece: 22:48

Yeah, I had. I had taken care of a mom that lost an eight-year-old little girl due to cancer many years ago, when I was at the funeral home and we sat and we had coffee and she came in for some, like picking up the death certificates and things. And one thing that she shared with me and I had served, unfortunately, quite a few moms that had lost children. And one thing that she says, you know she goes. I always feared, like I didn't know, words that I never thought about before, like you know, like what would our children do? I don't know it, just in that moment, like it was another perspective, I guess, another perspective that I had never, you know, thought about. So I just appreciate you so much, janet, just for you know sharing your story. If we could have our listeners, you know hearing this, you know hearing your journey, ted's journey, if people just want to go out in the world and do something in honor and memory of Ted, what can you ask that we?

Janet McGee: 23:56

do? That's a great question. I would say if you want to just do something good in the world, do a random act of kindness, please, in Ted's memory for somebody else and and pay it forward. Center the nonprofit we talked about, because they have done some phenomenal things and I have no doubt in my mind that they have so many great things coming in the future that they are going to do for grieving families.

Tanya Scotece: 24:33

Beautiful, beautiful. Well, definitely, we'll keep Ted's memory alive. I welcome you into my classes at the college. It's been an absolute, just you know moment in our life that we can share your journey, ted's journey, and you know moment in our life that we can share your journey, ted's journey, and you know, just spread awareness on so many different important levels. So thank you for being our guest today. Awesome, yes, thanks for having me?

Shireen Botha: 24:57

Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much. We've come to the end of the podcast, so we will have all the details of where you can reach out to Janet or to Tanya or to me in the show notes. If you want to go on to friendsfromwildplaces. buzzsprout. com, that's where you're going to find all our content. Go and listen, tell us what you think and if you want that bonus content, click on subscribes only $5 a month. That's friendsfromwildplaces. buzzsprout. com, and we will see you next time. And remember you got this and stay wild. Bye, guys.

Voiceover: 25:37

You've been listening to Friends from Wild Places with Shireen Botha. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast from the links to catch every episode and unleash your passion.