Friends from Wild Places

From Pain to Purpose: Transforming Trauma into Triumph

• Shireen Botha/Tanya Scotece ft Lisa Zarcone • Season 5 • Episode 11

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Lisa bravely shares her intimate story about trauma, healing, and the power of vulnerability. Her journey emphasizes the importance of breaking silence and confronting painful memories.


• Exploring Lisa's childhood experience and its lasting impacts 
• The role of therapy in her healing journey 
• Discussing the struggles with family after sharing her truth 
• Understanding the nuances of forgiveness and empathy 
• Insights into generational trauma and mental health 
• Inspiration to listeners for sharing their own stories 


Don’t forget to visit Lisa's website for more information and resources! 


Lisa Zarcone


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Voiceover:

Tales from the wild, stories from the heart. A journey into the mind and soul of fired up business professionals, where they share their vision for the future and hear from a different non-profit organization every month as they create awareness of their goals and their needs. Dive into a world of untamed passion as we join our host, Shireen Botha, for this month's episode of Friends from Wild Places.

Shireen Botha:

You know, Lisa, it's so amazing because a lot of people that have been sexually abused grow up into their adult and literally die with those secrets and live life throughout, you know, do whatever they need to, um, and just never speak a word of it to anyone. And so I guess what my question and I'm trying to get at is at what point did you decide to make the decision to write a book about it? Because, I mean, that's, that's really going and putting it out to the world, you know it is, and it was very hard to do so.

Lisa Zarcone:

But my, my defining moment was I married. I have three young children. I found out that I became pregnant with a fourth. That was not a planned pregnancy. It was a big surprise and unfortunately I lost that child.

Lisa Zarcone:

That was probably about 14 weeks pregnant and the heartbeat stopped and I had to go in for a procedure to have this baby removed, because I did become pregnant at the age of 14 by my sexual abuser, and my sexual abuser was pretty torturistic and sadistic in the abuse that he bestowed upon me and that damage was so intensely deep that it did put me into such silence. But this moment of having to go through this procedure and this part of my life brought me right back to the exact moment when I did go and have an abortion, because there was no way I can have a child after being through the abuse that I had gone through. I was too young, I was too damaged, there was no way that I can care for a child, and I was. I was smart enough and wise enough to know that and we did make that decision. But in that moment I did you know, it all came back to me and after that procedure, I was having horrendous flashbacks and nightmares of you know, all the things that I had been through. And I had to make that choice, to face it once and for all. And I decided, okay, now it's time to go to therapy. Now it's time to break that silence.

Lisa Zarcone:

And I have to tell you it was so difficult for me to say those words out loud. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear my own voice say what happened to me. But once I did, the floodgates were open. It was all on the table and before you knew it, I was sharing it all and it was powerful. It was obviously on the table and before you knew it, I was sharing it all and it was powerful. It was obviously emotional and all of these things.

Lisa Zarcone:

But that's when I realized that, taking what happened to me, that I needed to put it out there, not just for my therapist and myself. I had to share these things with my husband, who didn't know all these things which blew him away. But I realized that I needed to share this with the pain that I've been through and make it into something purposeful, make it into a positive, because by breaking my silence and sharing my story. I'm always hoping that that's going to give someone else the courage to share their story, and I have to tell you many people have told me after hearing me speak or reading my book and following me online and social media media, that they have come to a point in their life where they've decided that it's time for them to do the same and they're on their healing journeys, and that, to me, is such a beautiful gift to give to other people and it just validates everything that I'm doing is is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Tanya Scotece:

And when it, when you first came public with your book which, again, I have read quite a few years ago, how did you I'm going to say like manage the? You know? I'm sure there's people like that you know are supporting of you, like family and friends, and then I'm sure that there's people that you probably never even heard of or don't even know, that are like the haters out there, right, I mean, I can't imagine that you've gone through this journey without experiencing that. So can you shed some light as far as when you went public, what was actually the like? You know, what was the reality at that time, you know, with family, friends and people that you didn't even know?

Lisa Zarcone:

Yes, so much happened when my story came out because, first of all, I wrote my story very differently. I wrote my story through the eyes of a child, sharing the child's perspective of abuse. So my story is not an adult reflecting. Looking back on what happened. Mine is like bamming in your face right in the moment very raw, profound, choppy. At times. It's like a clouded view when you read it sometimes because that just speaks to the damaged mind of the child. That is the route I wanted to go. So at that time, when I came out, I had a lot of haters in regards to the way I published my book. You know, I had people say to me oh, your story is not eloquent, it's not pretty, it's not put together appropriately. And my advice and my thoughts on all of that is always like well, is abuse eloquent? Is abuse pretty? Is it perfect? No, it's ugly, it's choppy, it's clouded, it's disgusting. I wanted my story and my voice to be heard in such a powerful way that people would stop and take notice and they did. And you know, as far as family, oh my goodness, that was like a proverbial bomb because my family, a lot of them, disowned me after my story came out, which was very painful to go through on top of everything else. But I stood strong in my virtue. I stood strong in my story. It's 100% real. And then it's how it happened and I own every bit of it. But I did lose family members because of it and I had other ones that were angry with me. That kind of came to terms with things as time went on. But I also have far more people who have embraced my story, who have embraced my inner child, the damaged child, and relate to it because it's just so authentic, it's so real when you read it and I talk about it. This is reality, this is life, this is what truly does happen behind those closed doors. So I've had both. You know the positive, the negative.

Lisa Zarcone:

I had, honestly, one presentation. I had a woman stood up and started yelling at me because I chose to forgive my mother and stand by her. This woman was so angry with me, so so angry she couldn't contain herself. And this is a room of over 100 people that I'm speaking, and it was a social workers conference and this woman was just really angry. But when what I said to her was I am sorry for whatever you went through in your life that this is so triggering for you and I hope that you can find healing and peace. And she was not even happy with that that she just continued to banter and left. Then came back, bought my book, left and then wrote the worst book review in the world. I'm like it was just what she wrote.

Lisa Zarcone:

But when I read her book review as upset as I was that she wrote it in such a negative way all the points that she hit and the things that she talked about really showed me that this woman has been through some serious damage that she has just not been able to address and work through. And that really made me feel bad for her, because my goal is never to hurt anybody If my goal is always to help people. So I've seen that aspect and I've also seen. You know, people will come up to me after an author talk.

Lisa Zarcone:

I had a woman who came up to me. She was in her late seventies and she held my hands and she cried and she disclosed her abuse from childhood that nobody has ever heard. She's standing there with her daughter. They're crying. Her daughter never heard this story before and we talked about it and she just said to me that, by me standing up there and sharing my story finally after all these years, gave her courage and strength to do the same. It was just such a powerful moment that to think about this woman in her late 70s held it tight all those years and I gave her a safe space to speak, and that always just touches my heart and humbles me. Yeah.

Tanya Scotece:

Wow, what a heartfelt, heartfelt. What was the time frame, lisa, as far as if you can just walk our listeners through the timeframe, as far as? So, when you were facing like this crisis situation in the hospital with the flashbacks you know what year was that and then you started, you know, kind of processing your own emotions and then decided to write your book. Can you just walk us through, just like some dates, just for reference points for us?

Lisa Zarcone:

Yes, and I'm thinking back because my book came out in 2016.

Lisa Zarcone:

So six years prior to that. So that brings you back to, you know, 2000s. Like you know, that's really when I really started going through those things. My kids were young. I was, you know, working through those all of that stuff.

Lisa Zarcone:

And when I when I talk about therapy, I've been to therapy a couple of different times and I had a couple of different therapists and I have to say the first therapist and the last therapist really were so hugely helpful. My first therapist gave me this safe space to really share and talk about what happened to me. My last therapist is the one who encouraged me to continue to write, to write all my things down. So you're talking, you know, 2000, like 2010,. 2000 is when I first went, 2010, when I really was digging deep into the writing aspect and pushing forward to putting my book together. I remember going to therapy and I would bring him short stories and he would look at them and he would keep them all saved and day he pulled them all out and he handed them to me and he goes. You realize, you just wrote a book. And I'm like, wow, I guess I did, I guess I wrote a book so and from that point I took all of that information and and worked to put it into story form and it was a huge process.

Lisa Zarcone:

It was a massive healing process, you know, to go through it and break through all these pieces and really you know, put my life into perspective of all, how it all happened and you know what I went through the good, the bad, the ugly and how I came out on the other side, sane and doing the things that I do. I've had people say that to me. I can't believe that you are so grounded and insane after all of these things that have happened to you and I chalk a lot of that up to faith and I chalk a lot of that that up to hope and God and all those things. I'm a very spiritual person and I know in my dark times I really dug deep into some spirituality to get me through. So, and you know that that strong inner inner strength and inner will to, to, to go on to fight, no matter what happens, you're going to continue to fight. I had that inner spirit of, of that fighting nature always. Yeah.

Tanya Scotece:

Right and your second book now is is kind of in in tribute and memory of your mother. Is that correct with the book currently?

Lisa Zarcone:

Well, it is, yeah. So my mom, you know, struggled obviously profusely with mental illness. So what I did was I wrote my mother's story from birth to death, everything in between and our complex relationship as mother and daughter. And my mother's story is very powerful and it shows you generational abuse. It shows you generational mental illness. My mother asked me to write her story. She said promise me that one day you will share my story so people can understand what people with mental illness really do go through and how it affects everyone around them. And I promised my mother that my mother shared all the stories of the know, wrote so many things down and then I was able to fill in those blanks and walk in her steps, which was such an amazing experience, I have to tell you from writing my story was one thing.

Lisa Zarcone:

Writing my mother's story was such a whole other world to step into.

Lisa Zarcone:

You know her childhood, her and how it affected my family, you know, throughout our lives. But the one thing I can tell you is that I really found different pieces of my mother that I didn't tap into because I was always riding on that fight or flight mode, the anger mode, with her and it was so hard, but really going through her life, I really tapped into who Joanne was, the person, my mother, this intelligent, beautiful woman who wanted nothing more to be a wife, a mother. She had a beautiful career as a hairdresser, she was very talented and one by one, all those things were stripped away from her. And the loss of my brother my brother passed away at the age of nine. She lost her only son. All those things were all stripped from her and she battled mental illness so fiercely. So her story is a very powerful and important story to tell and you know, it's amazing to think that I was able to do that for my mother and I use my story and her story to abdicate and to bring awareness.

Shireen Botha:

Well, yeah, and I just think it's definitely meant to be, because everything seemed to have worked out the way it should the fact that you wrote your story, you sent it out into the world, you had family members disown you, as you said, your actual abuseruser, one of them being your very own mother, who actually turned around and said, you know, wasn't even angry, but I mean said, would you mind writing my story? You know, and, and I can, I mean, I can only imagine how many emotions you must have gone through having to write that point and perspective being your abuser's perspective, because there's not a lot of people that know or want to know their abuser's perspective, know their abuser's perspective. Quite frankly, I think a lot of people want to make sure that their abusers stay on the other side of the world and never see them ever again. You know so this is quite a unique situation and beautiful, inspiring story of healing for you and your mom. You know so that was very important, that you shared that.

Shireen Botha:

But before we continue, lisa, tanya, let me just jump in here with a little bit of a buzzsprout ad. So Friends from Wild Places is a place to share stories from other business owners and professionals, such as Lisa, a safe space to show support for other business owners and entrepreneurs all over the world. We feature non-profits every month to try and make a difference and give a helpline to someone in need. Do you have a message you want to share with the world? Or maybe you just think it'll be fun to have your own talk show? Podcasting is an easy, inexpensive and fun way to expand your reach online. To start your own podcast, follow the link in the show notes. This lets Buzzsprout know that we sent you and your inspiring story. You know if I? I don't know if we've asked. I don't think we have asked this question, but what is the name of your books and where can we go and purchase these books?

Lisa Zarcone:

Yes, so my story is the unspoken truth, a memoir, and when I wrote this story, that term the unspoken is really what gravitated to me. You know, to put a name to my own personal story. So the unspoken truth a memoir, and my mom's story is the book of Joanne on Amazon, barnes and Noble. I always encourage people to go to my website, lisasarconenet. I have all the information there as well, and if people come to my website they can see more about my story. I do a lot of blogging and poetry and different things like that, and also it just shows you like events and when I'm speaking different speaking engagements. They can see what I'm doing. But definitely Amazon and Barnes and Noble are the two big places Everybody goes to purchase my books.

Tanya Scotece:

And Lisa, and when you wrote your first book, your your mom was living at that time. Is that correct?

Lisa Zarcone:

My mom was living at that time and she actually passed away before it became published, but she knew I was writing my own story and she encouraged me to write my own story and she encouraged me to write my own story. The interesting thing about my mom was that, again severely mentally ill, and most of the time we rode what I call the crazy train and not to be disrespectful, but we did ride that train, that roller coaster of everything, because she cycled so, so quickly all the time. But then she would have these moments of clarity and in these moments of clarity we would have the most amazing conversations. And, honestly, when I would go visit my mother because my mom was in a nursing home and I would go visit her, I would always say a little prayer please give me a day of clarity, just give me a little piece of my mom. And when those things happened and they weren't all the time, believe me, they were far and few between most of the time it was chaos and a lot happening. But when I had those moments with her and we really just talked about things, she was just so spot on about life wisdom. You know what she really understood about herself and her illness and how, she knows, knew how it affected me and the damage you, you know that was that happened to me. So we would have these moments of clarity that were just amazing. But you know she did not. You know she did not see the book come to you know, to life. But I know she traveled that path with me and I can also tell you when my mom's book came out.

Lisa Zarcone:

You, when my mom's book came out my mom's book was supposed to come out in September of 2023. And we had all of these, you know, roadblocks and things were happening and I was frustrated. I'm like I just want to get her story out there. And finally, when the book came out, my publisher writes me and says here's your date and it was January 28th 2024. My mom passed away on January 28th 2014.

Lisa Zarcone:

I was blown away by the date and the connection. And my mom's birthday is June 24th, so you have January 28th 2024. And to me, that's fate. To me. I'm a firm believer in those things and I felt like that was just a massive sign from my mother clapping from the heavens saying Lisa, you did it, you did it, you got your story out. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, it was amazing and it was just so shocking. You know of all dates. How did that happen? It was supposed to be fall of 2023. Now here we are in 2024, on the date of my mother's passing. To me, that was just a massive sign to say again you're in the right direction, you're doing what you were always meant to do and keep on going.

Tanya Scotece:

Yeah, and I'm still, I'm still like I don't know if that word is happy, but I guess I'm just hearing in what you're sharing. You know about your relationship with your mother, that she was alive when you wrote your story and she actually encouraged you to do that, which is which is really that's. That's quite profound. If you know, like, as Shireen said, you know, most of the time it's like the abusers, you want them literally across the world, or not on the world, or not in the world. And to hear you say that you know, because you kind of I'm going to use the word not came full circle, but kind of put those pieces back in a very, maybe indirect way, that it's, it's really profound in hearing, in hearing it.

Lisa Zarcone:

Yes, and I and I know, like a lot of people, you know, when you go through abuse and it's hard to look at your abuser and say I'm going to give forgiveness or I'm going to give empathy and all of those things, and I'm really careful when I speak about forgiveness because that is just its own entity. You know, when you go on your healing journey, that's one piece of it. The forgiveness is a whole nother. But that's just a very personal thing that you have to decide, that you want to look into and want to tap into. So for me, I wanted to find forgiveness to my parents. So I took the initiative to look through their eyes and look at their perspective of what their lives were like, why it all fell apart and why did the abuse happen to me. That was such extremely hard work to do. I did one parent at a time walk their life path and it really put into perspective and it gave me answers to the why and how it fell apart, the why and how the abuse was bestowed upon me. It doesn't make it right. It doesn't mean that they made the right decisions. The abuse is what the abuse is and and that they can never change. But by walking in their footsteps I was able to find compassion and empathy and forgiveness because I know their roads that they traveled were so, so difficult and it's just unfortunate that that generational abuse piece continued on into my life. But I was able to find forgiveness to both of my parents and I even extended.

Lisa Zarcone:

This, which is going to sound maybe wild to both of you, is that I walked the footsteps of my sexual abuser in part of my own healing process to find understanding to the why and how it came to such horrific sexual abuse and what I found in his childhood that he was an abused child. He was horrifically abused. His parents were alcoholic and drug addicts. He was sexually abused by his own mother. He had mental illness as well and unfortunately he fell through the cracks and he was treated horrendous and that came forward and dropped into my lap the innocent victim. So I found empathy for his small child, his empathy for his inner child that was so damaged.

Lisa Zarcone:

Did I find forgiveness? I'm going to be very, very honest no, I did not find forgiveness because he went on to abuse so many other people after me. He abused his wife, his children, and I know that because I had one of his daughters came forward and questioned me about my book, the Unspoken Truth, and asked me about her father and she disclosed information to me about his past and and all the things that he did and I could not find forgiveness because that abuse just went on so horrifically and so horrendously. But I did find empathy for him because he didn't deserve to be treated that way as a child. No child deserves to be abused.

Shireen Botha:

That's awesome. That's amazing, Lisa Sure, If I could be more like you. You know, just amazing. That's amazing you are. You really are a great inspiration and an example um that it's possible. You know.

Shireen Botha:

Tune in next week for part three of friends from wild places

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you've been listening to friends from wild places with Shireen Botha.

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People on this episode

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Shireen Botha

Host
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Tanya Scotece

Co-host
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Lisa Zarcone

Guest

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