Gratitude Through Grief

What if grief wasn’t a problem to fix but a love you learn to carry? We sit down with Terri, a certified grief companion and founder of Living in Gratitude with TLC and the Healing Hearts community, to trace how personal tragedy became a blueprint for accessible, human-centered support. From the private magic of one-to-one sessions to the brave choice to show up daily online as a mother who lost a child and a widow who rebuilt, Terri shows how visibility invites others to speak, be seen, and find steadier ground.

Terri Chaplin

• Website: https://www.myhealingheartscommunity.com/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/terri.chaplin/
• Email: tchaplin@livingingratitudewtlc.com
• Tel: +1 301-481-1291
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/teresa-terri-chaplin-54043352/

We also face a harder truth: how funeral care can go wrong when families meet upsells and cold scripts at their most fragile hour. Terri shares experiences that felt transactional and dehumanizing, then offers a path forward with her compassionate communication training for funeral professionals, clinicians, teachers, and anyone likely to meet a grieving person. Clear language, gentle pacing, and small acts of care turn a harrowing process into dignified support. Listeners leave with a practical toolkit: ask better questions, act without being prompted, make space for names and stories, and remember that presence is the service.

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Chapters

• 0:09 Setting The Mission
• 0:26 Meet The Host And Guest
• 0:35 From Private Support To Public Voice
• 2:11 Normalizing Grief On Social Media
• 3:51 Practical Ways To Show Up
• 5:16 Services, Circles, And Courses
• 6:29 Membership And Community Tools
• 7:29 Retreats And The Power Of Belonging
• 8:54 Living Big With Gratitude
• 9:53 Layers Of Loss And Perspective
• 10:25 A Call For Better Funeral Care
• 12:53 When Funerals Feel Transactional
• 14:41 Upselling And Vulnerability
• 16:35 Clothing, Honesty, And Boundaries
• 18:19 Compassion Missing At Every Step
• 20:03 Teaching Compassionate Communication
• 21:40 Training The Next Generation
• 23:24 Validating Lived Experience
• 24:34 Sharing Truth Without Blame

Transcript

Voiceover: 0:09

A journey of the mind and soul of five business professionals where they get their vision for the future. And here from a different nonprofit organization every month as they create awareness of their goals and their needs. Dive into a world of untamed passion. As we join our host, Shireen Botha, for this month's episode of Friends from Wild Places.

Shireen Botha: 0:35

Now that you're a certified grief companion and the founder of Living in Gratitude with TLC and Healing Hearts community, I thought following your story now, you could share a little bit more about it and how it affects the community and how it helps and supports the community.

Terri Chaplin: 1:00

Sure. So I when I first started, I was solely helping individuals just privately, one-on-one, which is still something that's really near and dear to my heart because I feel like that's where the real magic happens. And you know, I tell people all the time it takes a lot of courage to ask for help. It takes a lot of courage to take that step and because it's scary. And so I wanted to be, I made it a point. Um, social media is a big thing, and people are on social media, and so I wanted to just put myself out there and show others that I'm just a normal person. I'm a mom who lost a child, you know, I'm a widow, remarried, just to show hope, to show there is you can find joy again, you can live life again and to just show that I'm human. I still miss my son, I miss my husband. I carry my grief with me always, but I also carry love with it. I also live a very fulfilling life. And so I set the intention probably six years ago to start just showing up every day. And I talk about grief openly. And because of that, I I've created a space where others feel welcome to come into my social media space and share what's on their heart. And I give them that space. I ask questions almost every day about their experience or what they're going through. And I wanted to give people what others don't give them. What, you know, everyone, our family and friends stop asking. And a lot of times it just comes from a place they they don't know that we need that, or they're afraid they're gonna make us sad if they bring up our loved one or they talk about them. And so I talk about that too. I talk about ways that you can support your friend or your family member that's suffered a loss and how you can show up for them and be there for them. Because even though people say, Let me know if you need anything, that's that's the go-to. I'm really sorry for your let your loss. Let me know if I can do anything to help you. We don't ask. And nine times out of 10, we're not going to ask. And so I encourage people, just do it, just do something, you know, for them. And so I started doing this um, you know, as as my profession. That's it. This is my job, this is my career, this is what I've dedicated my life to. Um, so I still see clients um one-on-one. Um, most of my work is done virtually. I do some things um with funeral homes. I do in um in-person support circles where they invite members of the community in, and we just host a uh support circle. Um, I do a lot of workshops. I like to give back and do a lot of free things. Um, I'll host workshops, especially around the holidays for helping the, you know, those who are struggling during that time because that can really bring out a lot of memories and a lot of painful things, or especially if it's someone's first holiday. Um, so I like to hold space for that. Um, I'll do, you know, uh letters, writing letters of serenity workshops. So just a lot of things to ways to to give back because I my goal is to make grief support available to everyone, not just someone who has the financial ability to pay for one-on-one private services. So I have a lot of free resources inside of the Healing Hearts community. I have a um a self-guided on-demand course that's uh you know priced so that anyone can have access to it. Um, and I do a lot of you know free workshops, my one-on-one coaching. I have um a monthly membership, um, my shared circle, which is it's only $22 a month, and we meet twice a month virtually. Um, and then they also have access to online tools and a private space, kind of like a Facebook wall, but it's inside of the Healing Hearts community. Um and I started hosting grief retreats last year, uh, which has been something I found to be um absolutely magical. The the my very first one uh taught me so much about the importance of community and just those shared connections. And so that's something I see myself doing uh a lot more of in the future. Uh so yeah, it's it's um, it's it's I feel like it's grief has really shaped my life and where I am today and who I am today. I I truly live my life in gratitude. I know what it's like to suffer great loss. I don't take anything for granted. And I and I feel like I am living my life big. That's what I say. I live my life big for Tyler and I both, because I'm you know living for two people. So um it's really is an honor when someone trusts me enough to sit with me and be vulnerable and open up and and trust me with the the the most dearest parts of their heart and and are okay with sharing that with me. So um creating those safe spaces is is just where my heart is at.

Tanya Scotece: 6:47

Yeah. Terry, you're you know, every time we chat and hear, you know, um today on the podcast is just, you know, I always just kind of resonate more with you and and your story and your journey. And um, you know, the words that that came to me today, it's kind of like you know, the gratitude through grief, right? Like it's like you live your life every day when you get up, knowing that you know, there's somebody out there that here needs to hear what you're gonna say or read what you've written, or is gonna be part of the community space that you have provided, whether it's you know, um workshops or in person or circles or you know, whatever that um that forum is. But um, but first of all, you're you know, and having the you know, your two losses that you described, you know, your husband and then Tyler. Um, and then also I think, you know, from you know, I would say from a funeral director perspective, it's also, you know, his past, your son's passing was not like due to an illness, which is another layer of grief. You know what I mean? Because people who have somebody that has illness, it's like people are, even though you're never prepared, but at least it's something that you know you're living it day to day. Like, you know, for example, uh, people with children with cancer or you know, terminal illness or congenital things, or but your situation just having the, you know, like having had your husband's loss and then, you know, with Tyler with the accident, that's also another layer. Um, but first of all, thank you just for you know being open and sharing, you know, your heart with us truly in in the heart's journey. Can you shed some light though? Because I also want to bring to light um briefly your interaction with the funeral home, because that I think is another layer for any of our funeral professionals listening out there that you really did not, in my opinion, and I'm gonna speak on from the professional opinion, you did not get treated like you should have, like that you, you know, I mean, or the support and the the nurturing aspect that um I don't think was given to you. So can do you mind highlighting that a little bit just from from what you experienced from your viewpoint?

Terri Chaplin: 9:01

Sure, yeah, not at all. Um, and that that's something as we've had many conversations about. So it is something that um is is also something I feel strongly needs to change. And I've seen a lot of change through meeting Dr. T. It's like I've I see what she pours into her students, and it's it's so refreshing, and it it just it makes my heart so happy to see because I didn't have the best experiences in really in planning either of the funerals. They both felt uh extremely transactional. And with my husband's funeral, that was the first time I'd ever done that. So I had nothing to compare it to. I so I didn't know what the experience should look like. I only know what it did look like. And it it felt cold, and you know, I was welcomed into this big room and there was just a big table, and the funeral director sat at the head of the table, and we had a big book that we flipped through. Um I just remember being overwhelmed with uh it was like you go through this book and you're picking out all these things, and grief brain is a real thing. Like we cannot focus, we cannot think about like the little details or really process thoughts. And so at the end of that, to say, okay, you know, how how are you gonna pay for this? And not there was never any niceties, there was never any, I know this is hard, I know you're going through a lot, like there was none of that. But so I just I walked away from that thinking, okay, this is just this is what it is. And then seven years later, when I lost my son, he was taken to the same funeral home. It was a local funeral home. Um, it actually shared it. I don't think they were there's some probably somewhere related, shared our last name, but um, my my first married name and Tyler's last name. Um, and so going back there again, I just was expecting the same type of treatment. I you know, didn't know what to expect, but I had the exact experience and then some. It was the same big table, the same man sitting at the head of it, the same book, but I recognized more things and more things were sticking out to me. Like um, one of the the things sitting at the table was this upselling. I was did sales for 29 and a half years. I recognized the upselling that was happening. And it was the vault. I'll just I'll never forget it. The way it was described to me, the vault that I had chosen, because I don't know anything about them. I'm relying on him as the professional. And he went on to tell me that the vault that I was choosing was not waterproof. And he was very descriptive about what that meant for my son, whose remains will be in the ground with getting damp and wet and oh, like as a mom, absolutely I can't do that. So, okay, give me the which one is it is waterproof? That's the one that I, you know, that's the one that I want. That's the one that I need. And so we did that. Um, and then uh my husband and I took Tyler's clothes over one day. We had a meeting to take his clothes over, and um, the sheriff's department was had offered, they were giving Tyler, he was only 17, but they were giving him a full honors funeral, and they'd given us a thin blue line sticker to put on his casket. Um so we took that stuff over. And I was just curious. My son was super regimented, um, very socially awkward when it came to his peers. And he the way he dressed was like I knew what was in his wardrobe to a T, but I couldn't figure out what he was wearing. And it just kept like nagging at me. So I asked that day, you know, what was what was he wearing? And he said, um, I said, can we see his clothes? And he was like, oh no, you know, no, you can't see them. That's like a biohazard or something. And um, I was like, okay, but can you just tell me what he was wearing? And he said, Oh, he's wearing shorts and a tie-dye t-shirt. And I was like, Well, absolutely not. My son would never wear tie-dye. He doesn't own tie-dye, he would never wear tie-dye. He wears polo shirts in every fashion, or he has, you know, white undershirts. Never, it's not tie-dye, it is tie-dye. You know, I I know you don't think that that's what he would wear, but he was wearing a tie-dye shirt. And so then we became adamant. No, we we need to see what he was wearing. So he had my husband sign a waiver and he would not let me see the clothes. But he said my husband, he could take my husband to see them. So they leave and they come back like 10 or 15 minutes later, and I hear them coming up the hallway. Like it sounds like two people arguing, and they come in the room and they were really arguing over my husband. Said that it was um, he said, he walked in, he said, it wasn't tie-dye, Terry. He was wearing one of his white Hanes undershirts, and it had motor oil and anti-freeze splattered all over it. So he just thought it was tie-dye. And the gentleman said, It was not motor fuel and anti-freeze. Like, really, matter of fact, I I I don't even know what that was all about. I have no idea, but he was very adamant that it was not. And so we just let it go. And the next day were the prayers, we go an hour beforehand for us to see Tyler. We hadn't seen him yet. And um, my husband and I were standing up at the casket, and I was like stroking Tyler's hair, and I saw a little, you know, gash on the side of his head where the seatbelt thing had hit his head. And and I it it came, it struck me. I said, you know, I'm really surprised. I wonder if there's burns on his body from the the oil and stuff from the car engine that should have been hot. And I hear from behind me, it was not motor fuel. And and I was like, are you? I turned around and there he was standing behind us. So I was like, oh my gosh, like, is this really happening? And um and I think the the last thing that really stuck stuck out to me with that experience was on the way out of the funeral home, the day of Tyler's funeral, the uh I said the sheriff's department gave him like full honor. So they had their honor guard there and they were carrying his casket out of the funeral home. And um, there was a car there assigned to my husband and I, and we were following behind it, and I felt someone tap me on my arm. Um so I turned around and it was a lady that worked there, and she's like, excuse me, Mrs. Chaplin, um, can I just get you to come over here to this table real quick? I need to get you to sign something. I was like, but my I'm trying to, I want to keep up with my with my son. And she was like, No, I just need you to sign this really quick. And it was a I had a really small life insurance policy through my employer, and they had this form that said I would give it to them, you know, when it came in, and they had forgotten to get me to sign it. And so she stopped me then. And those things just never left me. And then the more I talked to other people and I heard other experiences over the years, like I didn't have that experience at all. Like, where were the warm fuzzies? Where was, you know, where was the compassion? Where was and the more I learned about how to hold space for someone in grief, you know, how how to not invalidate their feelings by the way you speak to them and the things that you say to them. Like, how hard would it be to just change the way that you speak? How hard would it be to say, you know, I know this is a lot, especially when it comes to paying. That that that same thing happened with my son. And they said, Well, how are you planning to pay? And I was like, Well, uh, look, can we have a second? Like, we were not expecting this. And and so we just need a minute to like talk about it. Um, there wasn't any like just say, I I completely understand, you know, take all the time you need. Let me leave the room, let me give you a few minutes. There was none of that. This man just sat right there at the table waiting for us to tell him how we were gonna pay. And so those things led me to, I do have um uh I talk about it a lot, and I created an on-demand uh course that sits inside of Healing Hearts community that teaches compassionate care and compassionate communication skills to all professionals, including I have one specific to funeral professionals because of my experiences, and then one that's just for anyone, nurses, doctors, hospice volunteers, anyone, teachers, you know, but that come in contact with someone who could be grieving. Um, because I think a lot of times people don't mean to invoke harm. They don't want to invalidate what you're feeling, but they don't know any better. They haven't been taught, you know, they haven't had the experience themselves. And also they get uncomfortable with it. When we don't understand something, we're uncomfortable with it. And when they're uncomfortable, the things that come out are just like not appropriate because they're just because they're uncomfortable, not because they want to be mean or they want to be rude, it's just they don't know any better. So um my hope is that um by putting this information out there, it can can change. But I have met so many funeral professionals and Dr. T and and listen to the way she speaks to her class. I've sat in her talking with with um new up and coming funeral professionals, and um she instills all of that beautifully. So it's so it's so lovely to see that that is you know the way things are and the way things are moving, you know, in in the direction of that.

Tanya Scotece: 19:51

Um Terri, every time, every time I hear you say, you know, and share, and I just think that, you know, there's always ideas running through my head as far as like, what can we do next? What can I have Terri speak to on next or what rules or what? Yeah, no, so I have like ideas that are like flooding me right now, but uh we'll save that for a future, a future uh conversation. But I just, you know, really from you know, from our hearts to yours, I should probably share, you know, not only the grief from the loss of, you know, like the passing of two people so important to you, compounded with the way your son passed, as far as, you know, it wasn't an illness like your husband that you shared, and then having the layer of grief, not once but twice, just from the actual interactions with funeral homes. I mean, it's just there's just like compound grief, like it from multi-facets from what I see and I learn each time. But I just have to say I'm just you know grateful that you have a voice and you know, through Tyler to keep you know his legacy alive, your husband's legacy alive, and to be able to, you know, speak truly from the heart on that you were wronged by the profession. Like you truly and you have that is doesn't matter what you know, however you you know, get your word out there, that is one area that no one can they can't debate that. That's true, you know, and I'll do my best from my point of view to share, you know, having come into our classes because they need to hear it. And you know, when people go through school or go through their journey, go to work, they be choose this profession, they may not have the, you know, whatever that is, that the soft skills that either they're you know, they feel that they don't need them, but they do. They really need them, you know. So I will help you. I will help you get your um, not that you need my help, Terri, but I really feel that it's important for me to really get your story out there because I really think it needs to get heard.

Terri Chaplin: 21:54

So I appreciate that. I appreciate your voice and I appreciate you just recognizing. And and for a long time I didn't speak about it. And sometimes I don't want anyone to feel like I'm criticizing them. And I like to say, like, if if it, you know, if the shoe fits where if I if I speak my truth and in somewhere in the back of your mind, you think, oh, I did something like that. Like just learn from it, do better next time. And if it doesn't apply to you, you know, that's wonderful that it doesn't apply to you. But um I've learned that I can speak my truth without worrying about someone feeling like I'm criticizing them or if that makes sense.

Shireen Botha: 22:38

But 100% that's amazing. And I think there's a lot of people that have experienced what you experienced, Terry, and they just didn't realize, hey, you know, that's actually wrong. Um, and people should be better. And by you sharing your story and saying, you know what, uh, this is this actually shouldn't happen, and they need to work on this, it also allows other people that went through the same experiences as you to go, oh, that happened to me too. Yes, I agree, you know. So I think if from multi-different perspectives, you're helping people. And uh, with that said, I just want to pop in here uh with a little bit of a buzz sprout ad. Um, it's important that if Friends from Wild Places is a place to share stories from other business owners and professionals, it is a safe space to show support for other business owners and entrepreneurs all over the world. So it's not just you and me and all you listeners, it's it's really a time to lend a hand to create a safe space. This is what this podcast is all about. And so we feature nonprofits every month to try and make a difference and lend that helping hand that I was speaking to you about. Um, yeah, at the end of the day, if you have a message yourself that you want to share with the world, or maybe you think it'll just be fun to start start your own talk show. Podcasting is very easy, it's inexpensive, and it is a fun way to expand your reach online. So if you want to start your own podcast today, please follow the link in the show notes. This lets BuzzSprout know. We sent you and it does help support the show. But BuzzSprout is a great platform. We love it here at Friends from Wild Places, and BuzzSprout is passionate about helping you succeed. Tune in next week for part three of Friends from Wild Places.

Voiceover: 24:43

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