Building A Death Care Business

A canceled workshop can feel like a punch to the gut, but it can also be the cleanest data you will ever get. We sit down with Jennifer Lares of Mulling Mortition to talk honestly about the unglamorous side of building a funeral service business: ideas that do not land, the sunk cost trap, and the mental work of making cuts without losing your confidence. Along the way, we keep it real and even get into the unexpectedly practical question of what kind of swag actually fits a death care brand.

Jennifer Lares

• Website: Mullingmortician.com
• Tel: +1 352-509-6273
• Email: Mullingmortician@gmail.com
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-lares-a09163302

If you have ever wondered what embalming really is, how the body changes after death, or how simple rituals like shrouding can add meaning, you will leave with clearer language and fewer myths.

Join us as we support Operation Solace this month!

We also highlight this month’s nonprofit, Operation Solace, founded in San Antonio to help veterans access non-traditional mental health support, including psychedelic-assisted therapy, and to honor lives lost to suicide through powerful Day of the Dead remembrance. We wrap with a quick word association game and ways to connect with all of us after you listen. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find the show.

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Transcript

Show Opening And Premise

Voiceover 0:03

Tales from the Wild. Stories from the Heart. A journey into the mind and soul of FIDA business professionals where they share their vision for the future. And hear from a different nonprofit organization every month as they create awareness of their goals and their needs. Dive into a world of untamed passion. As we join our host, Shireen Botha, for this month's episode of Friends from Wild Places.

Merch Ideas And Brand Swag

Tanya Scotece 0:35

I think I don't know if you if you offer any swag, but I I see like umbrellas, like mulling mortician umbrellas, like Mary Poppins, like you have cups. You need an umbrella. You need an umbrella gym.

Jennifer Lares 0:47

That's actually quite clever. I don't I'm at an Etsy store. And I don't have an umbrella in my Etsy store. I have tumblers and things like that, but I'm kind of feeling this umbrella idea. So yeah, I think I might have to do that. That'll be next.

When Ideas Fail And Why

Shireen Botha 1:02

Um talk about successes, right? You've got so many things in the pipeline, you're doing great, and you know, this is super exciting to hear all these. But with being a business owner comes failures, huh? So, you know, with that being said, you said that business failures teach us more than success ever does. So, can you tell us about a specific time when things went wrong? Maybe when you had to make some serious cuts, and how did you get through that mentally?

Jennifer Lares 1:35

So sometimes we think an idea is gonna be well received and it's a good idea, and we invest time or energy into it. Um, and then you realize the demand isn't there, or maybe it's not the right time. But you know, we all can fall prey to the sunk cost fallacy the oh well, I've already done this and that, so I gotta see it through, right? Um, and I think sometimes when I've tried to do workshops, the scheduling or the timing has not been good, and so I have spent time into creating uh a whole workshop situation, got the space lined up, my supplies, and then the demand just wasn't there, and I had to cancel it, right? So, I mean that's not the end of the world because I can always do it later. But the idea is that sometimes you have to be paying more attention, just because you have a good idea that you think is a good idea doesn't mean that consume your your audience is gonna think it's a good idea, and so you have to realize that not every idea you get is a good one, right? And you have to also be comfortable with getting to a point in deep diving into one where you say, you know what, this is not this is not the time for this idea, or this is not gonna work out for me to do right now. And it like I say, it can be something you're excited about and that you think is fantastic, but it just and sometimes it's hard to let go of something. Um, I know that like I also create bones and I create mandibles and I create the top of skulls for reconstruction, and I went through a lot with that of trying to figure out how to how to do that, and the materials are not cheap, just like for the head. So I went through a lot of trial and error in creating the training supplies and the things that I've made, and there are things that I've tried to create or do that I'm just like this is just not gonna work, like this is just not what I need to focus on. But I've spent money and I've spent time, and yeah, but but you I mean, those are it's part of it, and I think expecting failure in the beginning and expecting that you're not gonna be profitable in the beginning is like a reality, right? The the understanding that you are not gonna be like this I cannot just solely rely on this income necessarily and eat right now. And there's a saying about doing the things you have to do that will then enable you to do the things you want to do, and so sometimes I'm doing things, um, but in my mind I'm like, God, I'd really rather be making like a head right now. And so it's like it's like I can't right now. My poor husband, because there's head, there's stuff. If you ever visited my house, like you would see that it's not just all up here, there's like silicone in my freezer, there's so many things. I'm working on suture pad research and development right now, and might be to talk about that. But um, I have a tiny baby flame locker in my house for any of my chemicals that might be I have a flame locker in my laundry room. So when you go in there, there's a little, it looks like a little yellow cabinet, and Dr. T knows what these they have the labels on them, right? Hazardous. So that's where I store like some of my preservative chemicals in my laundry room. Um, and and I just have stuff all over the place. But some things, like I said, some things work and some things don't. And sometimes not being afraid to ask suppliers and give them an opportunity to like let you work with some of their stuff is is like I have no shame in my game. When I had my first workshop, I was like, hey Dodge, I was like, I'm having a workshop over here, and they're like, huh, let me provide you with some refreshments. And I'm like, of course, I will happily accept some of refreshments, right? Or frigid fluid company. I'm like, you know, your cosmetics look really interesting and fantastic. And I happen to be hosting a workshop. I'm like, well, let us bring you some samples and some cosmetics in which to try. And I'm like, well, that's a great idea, right? So it's it's like, don't have any shame in your game. I am selective of who I kind of work with when it comes to getting supplies. I do have preferences, and um, even though I'm in an open relationship with these different companies, we're dating, you know, I'm dating other people, but um, I think who you do business with is important too, because you're doing business with the people, right? Versus just a company name. And there are companies I will not touch with a 10-foot pole because I do not care for their ethos and the people that run it, and their products may be great, but they're just I'm not gonna contribute to their business's growth if they're not good people.

Expanding Beyond Funeral Service

Tanya Scotece 5:57

I have a question. I have a question. Have you thought about going beyond the funeral profession, almost into um med-surge and uh you know plastics in on the medical field realm of things?

Jennifer Lares 6:09

Yeah, so I have actually because like the suture pads I'm working on, um tattoo artists and medical people also use like suture pads, and also I've been doing more with expanding into looking at okay, people that do makeup because I follow makeup artists that do not do decedent makeup. I follow regular ones too, and I'm always telling my students look at the people who do things similar to us, because a lot of times I think funeral service things are on this little island, but if you're paying attention, I'm I'm getting um guidance and input from observing special effects artists, I'm getting guidance and input from medical. Um, but yeah, I would love to be able to create a suit these suture pads um and be able to get those out. And I actually have like a video in suture training, so if you bought the suture pad, you'd have the training component too. But definitely, and I've also started branching out into educating death doulas, and I have an event coming up where I'm actually gonna meet with a group of death doulas and I'm gonna talk to them about the expectations of a funeral professional if you want to collaborate with them and why it's gonna be kind of hard for you because it's unregulated, and funeral directors were very protective of our client families and reliable for whatever we work, you know, people we work with. So I'm gonna and also I'm gonna talk with them about like legally what a funeral director is responsible for doing and what they could potentially do and how to understand because right now death doolas are a hot topic because Nicole Kidman's mentioned them. So some people are like, oh, I want to do that too, and they don't really understand. So I've actually been branching out into that area of talking to people, and then I have an event that I scheduled for July just to do basic education for whoever wants to come, and part of it is in response to the documentary that's coming out, um, which the trailer is terrible. It's for that Death Boom movie that Leonardo DiCaprio's company produced. Um it just premiered at Tribeca on the 9th, and I feel like it will likely get picked up by a network and be widely distributed. But there are some things within that film um that are kind of exaggerated. And so I'm doing an open educational day, um, it's not a whole day, where I'm gonna explain what embalming is and we're gonna actually talk about what embalming is and and be very and also what to expect if you are companioning someone through the cycle going into death, how the body changes um when a person has died, and what that means in terms of maybe how you're caring for that body, bathing and doing different things, like what that kind of looks like. I've seen that personally, and then just through the science of it to prepare people, and then we're gonna talk about creating ritual and small things in care and environment, how to shroud. We're gonna do a shrouding demonstration, um, and just talk about having meaning within care. And then one other thing I am doing, so I wrote a monologue and I'm kind of nervous about it. Um there's an event here in San Antonio in October, and it's called um it is called In Honor, and it is an immersive grief experience that um takes the military population into consideration. And so there's like theatrical things, there's art, uh, all kinds of interesting things. And I actually wrote a monologue that they liked, and I'm gonna be performing that. So I'm kind of getting into the theater um piece, but there's people that are do related things to what we do within death care. And so I wrote this, um and like I said, I'm a little nervous about it because it's very um, I'm very vulnerable within the monologue, and I'm and it touches on active duty suicide, and it also touches on utilizing alcohol for self-soothing. And so I'm like, I'm gonna share these ugly things, and if it helps one other person feel less ugly, I mean people can think what they want to think, but I feel like it's important. So um I've been working in different little I have tendrils in different little things.

Shireen Botha 10:08

That's awesome. You'd be great. I wish I could be there and watch you perform the monologue. I'm sorry I can't. Thank you.

Jennifer Lares 10:15

I know I'm excited about it.

Shireen Botha 10:17

Oh my gosh, it'll be I hope so.

Jennifer Lares 10:19

It's it's a bit of a heavy piece, but yeah, yeah. Well, maybe though maybe it'll be great and it'll travel and come all over the place or something, and then I'll be I'll be doing the theater circuit or something, right?

Shireen Botha 10:31

Right. Well, ladies, I want to move on to the nonprofit, but Tonya, do you have any other questions you want to ask Jennifer in the meantime?

Academic Path Through A Doctorate

Tanya Scotece 10:41

So, uh Jen, can you just I know uh Shereen did a beautiful introduction for you when we first began this podcast. Can you just share um just again your academic journey as far as like what school you went to? Um, you know, just share for the you know, step by step on that aspect.

Jennifer Lares 10:57

Yes, so once upon a time, for those of you who have been born into technology and all these fabulous things, once upon a time we had to go in person to school. So I um attended high school like normal and then went right into mortuary school. And I went to Gupton Jones College of Funeral Service because part of the reason I chose that school was that first funeral home I worked for, that owner and the colleague of his that worked there with him both went to that school. And they were mentors to me, and I admired them both greatly. And so I went to I had to go to their school, right? And because at the time I was like, well, this is a mortuary-specific school, so it's gonna be you know special and better. It was just more expensive, to be honest. That was really the only difference, right? Um, because it was a private college too, and um, I will just shout out, look at test scores and look at a lot of different things when you're choosing a mortuary school, because it's not all about, oh, that name sounds fun. Like you need to probably do a little research beyond that. But then I worked on my bachelor's while I was active duty. I did that with American Military University, they do a lot of work um with military folks, so I was able to do that um while I was in, and then I finished, I got my bachelor's done right um before I got out of the Navy, and then working on the master's degree, I went to the University of Phoenix, and we did have some classroom learning in addition to um, you know, things online, so it was a hybrid situation, and it was a lot because I was working full-time, you know, through all of these things, you're working full-time, and sometimes it's important to recognize how many classes you should be taking based on the demand, and it's hard sometimes because you you have to make money, but then you're also trying to do your academic stuff and recognizing that that is a season where you are gonna have to be like just nose to the grindstone in a cave. And you're when I talked about the season of selfishness, you are you are saying no to a lot of things when you're in school, and so I got that done, and then I didn't pursue my doctorate right away, and part of that was because I hated statistics, like I and I still do, and it's not my favorite, and so I was like, I'm not gonna work on a doctorate because I had to do some statistics for my master's. Well, when I finally just couldn't stop looking at the money on the floor to go to school with, I ended up choosing the universe, the University of the Incarnate Word here in San Antonio, and I picked that school because they have a program, they have a PhD, which is the classical dissertation route, um, which people are familiar with, but then they also had what they call the DBA, which is a doctorate, but it's a little different. And in the DBA program, in lieu of a full dissertation, we had to perform research that got published in academic articles. We had to present research, so I presented mine. Um I did two types of research. I researched military marital dissatisfaction, and I talked about divorce rates in different branches and factors for that, and deep dove into that. But then I also talked about funeral service as an oligopoly industry business structure. And my mentor professor was did not want me to do funeral service research because there wasn't much out there, and she was like, You don't have anything out there. I'm like, Well, how does that problem get solved if we don't put more out there, right? So I finally got her to agree to let me do just an oligopoly business comparison, supply-demand, all that, right? And so I did my my um some research on that, and I was able to present that as well, and then I was able to get my doctorate that way. So that's another thing, too. You know, I think feel there are more options within the educational realm than maybe there were before in terms of seeing value and experience. And I encourage people, you know, it can sound intimidating maybe to go back to school or to pursue a particular degree, but you would be surprised at how there are schools that are kind of like with the you know, with the the moment here, and they're seeing and and granting opportunity to use skills you've already you've already grown through real life experience. And so that was I graduated from University of Incarnate Word in 2018 or no, I'll have to look at my class ring. Okay, 2019. It feels so long ago, it feels so long ago, but yeah, and so I still hate statistics by the way, and we had to learn coding as well. So I was ready to just put a pen in not one but both of my eyes during that really painful process of working on my screen. Wow, fascinating.

Shireen Botha 15:24

I think we have to almost get you back for a second podcast because we're running out of time lady.

Jennifer Lares 15:29

I can bring more of my recent my projects, I can bring some more of my by then I'll have my suture pad RD completed, probably. I can probably show you those.

Shireen Botha 15:37

They're marinating behind me. Um yeah, you should see the workshop behind Jennifer's head right now. It's just very intriguing. We might have to get her back just so we can uh get some more shows on on some more um of the heads and products that you've got.

Jennifer Lares 15:53

You know how the camera will try to follow your face sometimes? There's a setting. I want to say it's in like Google Meet or something. I was doing I was doing like a you know a video with meeting with someone, and I have a a burn simulation trauma mask in here, and it's on a mannequin to help shape it. And out of nowhere, the camera went right like it tried to get this this mannequin in head, and the and the person I was with was like, what is like what is happening? Like what I have to make sure now my settings when I go in that it won't try to like because there are a lot of random heads and stuff around me, and like it will the camera gets super confused, so I have to go in there and check my settings, otherwise, you're talking to like a burn mouse got a mannequin instead of me, and it just gets awkward.

Shireen Botha 16:41

I can I can only imagine, I can only imagine what that looked

Operation Solace And Veteran Healing

Shireen Botha 16:45

like. But um, more on the nonprofit ladies. So this month, listeners, we're gonna support Operation Solace. Um, this is an exciting month, and you know we love to support nonprofits. So uh Jennifer, take some time to share with the listeners what is this uh organization about? What do they do? Where can we support them?

Jennifer Lares 17:10

Yes, so Operation Solace was actually founded here in San Antonio, and it was founded as a result of a journey that a veteran went on who was dealing with depression and mental health challenges, which is not uncommon in the veteran community. The suicide um rates and things like that can be alarming. And so he was going through a personal journey of trying to find peace and you know, doing all the things they tell you to do in terms of medically, and um, he just got to a really dark place. So then he he traveled and was able to have an experience where they use silo, I know I'm saying it wrong, silo bison, the like mushroom um ingredients as part of a therapy, and that changed his life, and it changed the life of his family who had been supporting this darker version of him, and then he kind of came out of it like renewed. And so Operation Solace, their purpose or their mission is really to help other veterans get access to this type of kind of non-traditional treatment options, and because he felt so strongly about the possibilities, and there's actually research and data where that type of therapy has been used for people that are terminally ill. Um, and there's a lot of I think Dr. T you probably heard a lot of you know, some of the research that's involved in like grieving people and whatnot by incorporating these other means of of treatment, this medicine, if you will. And so that's what Operation Solace is about. They do um in San Antonio, the Day of the Dead is is a very big deal here, and they create altars during Day of the Dead that simulate the altars that what you would have in a home or um in a different different places that have your people that have died and how you pay homage and respect them. And Operation Solace for that event, they create and there's video footage of this, but last year they're all it's called an offeranda. Their offeranda, he um the founder made dog tags and had like the sea of dog tags hanging at the top, and um just all this imagery and basically paying honoring the veterans who have um died by suicide. And it was very impactful. And his offeranda actually was like the the most um it gained the most attention, and so him he feels very passionately about this, and then his wife actually does support work so that if you are with a per with a close person in your life that is needing assistance and go undergoing some of those therapies or just change. I mean, it's a change, right? You leave one way and you come back another way, and so in her experiences and the things she's learned, and with her background, she's developed a support mechanism so that if you are the family um or the you know close to that person, how you can best support them and prepare yourself a little bit for what that transition is like.

Tanya Scotece 20:13

Very cool, very cool. We'll put those thank you so much for sharing that with us.

Jennifer Lares 20:19

Um Thank you for how for how uh letting me share it.

Shireen Botha 20:23

Yeah, yeah. Uh business, if you want to go and support, we'll put it in the show notes, go check it out, learn more about them, um, and find ways to support them. Um there are people that really, really, really need some help and uh they've been through it, they've seen things that half of us would never ever imagine to have seen. Um, and it's it's impacted their life uh for the rest of their life. So they they have to deal with that. And so I'm very, very, very happy that we can support this organization in that aspect. But let's get on to some more light-heartedness.

Word Association Game Break

Shireen Botha 20:59

Let's play a game, ladies. Let's play a game. What game are we playing, Shereen? What game are we playing today? It's called word association game. I don't Tanya and I have played it, Jennifer. Have you played it?

Jennifer Lares 21:12

I'm not, I have not.

Shireen Botha 21:14

Okay, well, basically, it's a word association. So we start with a word and then we go around the room, and basically, um, you have to come up with a word that's associated with the word that the person said before you. So each player basically creating a chain of related words. The round can end after a predetermined number of terms when players run out of the words, or if someone repeats a word, or takes too long to respond. So this has got to be quick. All right. Do we understand? Perfect. We'll go, Shireen, Tanya, Jennifer, and we'll keep on going. And um, I will start with the word, and we're gonna start with coffin. Coffin is the word of the day.

Tanya Scotece 22:08

Casket.

Jennifer Lares 22:11

Receptacle. Flowers. It's you now.

Tanya Scotece 22:20

Marigold.

Jennifer Lares 22:23

Flower. Oh, you already said flower, didn't you?

Shireen Botha 22:27

It's the quickest word association game we've ever had on this.

Jennifer Lares 22:35

I'm gonna blame Zoom because I think there was a pause or something in there. So I don't know if I fully heard that you said flower. So that might have taken a moment. So I'm just gonna blame Zoom. We could do one more round.

Tanya Scotece 22:46

Shereen, you want to do one more round?

Shireen Botha 22:48

Should we? Should we have is do we have time?

Tanya Scotece 22:49

We don't really.

Jennifer Lares 22:50

Yeah, we should do one more round. Yeah, I need redemption. I can't go out.

Tanya Scotece 22:53

Yeah, yeah, we gotta one more round. One more round.

Shireen Botha 22:59

Great.

Tanya Scotece 23:02

Black. Heads down.

Shireen Botha 23:07

Night. Did you say night? Night. Night night. Okay.

Tanya Scotece 23:21

Sungery.

Shireen Botha 23:37

Surgery, right? Okay. Can I do a mummy? Can we go with weird? I want to say mummy.

Jennifer Lares 23:42

Oh, like mummy, not mom. Shroud. Egypt.

Shireen Botha 23:55

Egypt. Jeez. Okay, no, that's my fault. I can't take too long. I'm taking too long.

Tanya Scotece 24:01

Okay.

Shireen Botha 24:02

We'll call it the end of that. Um, oh my gosh, thank you so much, ladies. Please. It was so fun. It was so fun. I know.

Jennifer Lares 24:10

Yes, that was.

Where To Find Us And Closing

Shireen Botha 24:12

Do me a favor. I know the listeners will probably be really inspired and want to reach out and contact either of us. Take a moment just to share where they can find you, Jennifer.

Jennifer Lares 24:27

Okay, so I have mullingmortition.com, which is my website. Um, I have a business page on Facebook, which is MullingMortitian. Um, I'm on Instagram as MullingMortition. I have a YouTube channel as MullingMortician. If you wish to email me and um correspond with me, it's Mulling, and that's M-U-L-L-I-N-G Mortition at gmail.com. Um, you can find me there. You can find me a messenger. I am also on LinkedIn. So you may not you may have to look for me under my actual name, which is Jennifer Laz, L-A-R-E-S. And I'm happy to talk to folks, and I get random questions sometimes I need help with, and I don't mind helping with that.

Shireen Botha 25:08

So thank you, Tanya.

Tanya Scotece 25:14

All right, so for those listeners that hear me every month, I do not have a TV. So you can find me on LinkedIn. That is my hub, that is my social media platform. You can find me under Tanya Scotisi. I am the program coordinator for Miami Dade College. So anybody interested in going to mortuary school, becoming licensed funeral director and bomber, or we have a college credit certificate in Florida, which is Florida Funeral Director only. So if this conversation has inspired you this morning with uh Jen Latez and our beautiful uh host, Shireen, feel free to seek out a mortuary school education. There are currently 58 accredited programs. That number does switch here and there, but roughly 58 in the United States. I also serve as an expert witness for funeral home and cemetery litigation cases. Um, that is almost a full-time job for me, so I do get called quite frequently. And I also serve as a senior placement specialist. Uh, that is my blessed work, matching people who can no longer live alone due to cognitive or physical challenges, matching them with the community here in Florida. The territories that I cover are Miami-Dade, Broward, and Sarasota County. There is no cost to use us, we get paid directly by the community if we make a match. So that's my wheelhouse. And uh let's back to you, Shireen. Perfect.

Shireen Botha 26:33

Yeah. So, listeners, you can find me on LinkedIn. You can find Shireen's bookkeeping services on LinkedIn as well. You can also find it on all the socials like Instagram and uh Facebook. But Friends from Wild Places, you can find us on our website, friendsfrom wildplaces.buzzsprout.com. That's friendsfromwildplaces.buzzsprout.com. You can also find us on YouTube. So if you want to see our funny faces as well as hear us, uh go ahead and find us there. Please take some time, share with us what you think, um, and uh give us a review. Uh, we really appreciate it. And uh go and check our previous episodes. If you like true crime, you'll find one of the criminal justice professors on board with us last month. Um, very interesting topics being discussed there. But other than that, thank you so much for listening. Uh, ladies and gentlemen, remember you got this and stay wild. Bye guys. Bye bye.

Voiceover 27:35

You've been listening to Friends from Wild Places with Shireen Botha. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast from the links to catch every episode and unleash your passion.